I’m trying to be better I think, sort of. some days. sometimes. I mean I think I’m better now than before. not as bad as I was before. but I’m still tired, still over it all. not wanting to participate. dark moments. and I remember that the friends I had got tired of being my friends. I don’t really mind being mostly a loner. but the fear and worry get to me. not knowing what will happen to me, and not knowing if effort is ever enough.